I Could Never Live Without You
by Isshin Shiba
Summary: A man looking for love stumbles into a girls life. Soon after being together for a few months he wants to take it slow. She leaves him, and doesn't see him for five years. He finds another loved one, but moves away leaving his other love behind. After liv


April 15, 1984(21 years old)

I remember the day we met; it was a bright and sunny day at the park. I was drinking my warm coffee while looking at the sparkling blue water. It wasn't the best place to be at this moment, but when I saw you it changed everything. Like I was saying, I was sitting on a bench near the water and than I saw you walk past it. The reflection of you was like a dream and the real image made me melt. The way you moved and the way you looked that day made me feel lucky. I got up from my seat and walked closely behind you, a few feet away. I could tell that you were smiling because you saw my reflection in the water as I walked behind you. As you turned I stopped dead in my tracks.

"Why are you following me?" she asked so politely.

I couldn't answer because when I saw your full figure, your beauty blew me away.

"Well, are you going to answer my question?" she asked again.

I scratched my head than forced the words out, "I-I just um…"

"Well, if you're not going to answer I'll just leave," she answered a little pissed off.

I thought to myself, _keep her here and don't let her leave._

"I'm going to be late for work, see you whenever we show up like this again," she said walking away.

"Wait!" I exclaimed.

When she turned it was like I put this moment in slow motion.

"What?" she asked a little mad.

"You took my eyes away from the lake, your beauty…. wait…I'm sorry, my name is Craig. And you are?" I asked.

She smiled than answered, "Nice wording Craig, but that doesn't work with me. My name is Katy."

I knew you had to leave so I broke the silence, "I better let you go, and you have a nice day Katy."

"You too," she said walking away from me.

I knew I screwed up somehow, I thought the description of your body, the way you looked and the way my eyes turned to you would show you how much I needed you. But I guess it didn't really affect you, I walked away soon after you disappeared from sight. But I knew the next day we'd meet I'd say a couple things that would catch your heart.

April 16, 1984

The next morning I had a meeting at the office, I knew today wasn't the day we would meet again. Soon after the meeting I walked out of the building I went back to the park were we met. I didn't see you there when I reached the bench so I headed home to type up my story for the news. The article that I was writing was about the girl I met in the park, I gave a great description about you and the way you talked to me. After getting to the last sentence of the article I gave up on it because I knew if I put this article in the paper you'd be coming up to me and yelling in my face about it. So, I decided what I wanted to do, I ripped the article up and walked away from my computer thinking about you. I thought about how much I wanted you and needed you here by my side, but I knew that would never happen. I finally fell asleep that night forgetting about everything except you. Katy was the only thing that was on my mind that whole night while I slept. In my dreams I felt you beside me, your body inching closer to mine wanting what you and I wanting in return…each other's love.

The sun peeking through the window woke me up the next morning, it was horrible. I stumbled out of bed with heavy things on my mind, mostly things about Katy. I reached the kitchen and grabbed a bagel from the refrigerator and grabbed a mug to get my morning coffee. After sitting at my computer for two hours trying to figure out what to write in the article for the morning paper, I gave up again. There was nothing I could write about except about you. I went away from the computer and went into my room; I chose to wear a faded pair of jeans and a worn out white t-shirt, nothing that special for a day like this. I locked up my apartment and went downstairs and went to work.

When I reached work I got yelled at for not bringing my article in, it was supposed to be the best one in the newspaper this morning. I thought I was going to get fired at that moment, but for some reason I didn't. They told me to leave and think about what I did. I went to the park and put my face in my hands trying to think about an article to put in tomorrow morning, but I couldn't. Nothing I did could get my mind off Katy. I buried my face into my hands one last time, than I got a tap on my shoulder.

"What's going on Craig?" she asked.

I looked up from my hands and saw you again, "Katy? What are you doing here?"

"Just walking through the park trying to find a decent spot to sit," she said as she sat down next to me.

"Well, I guess you found your spot," I said looking at Katy.

"Yep," she said smiling at me brightly.

Something in your smile caused me to smile back at you.

"What's on your mind? You had your face in your hands when I noticed you," she said looking up at me again.

"I just have a lot of things on my mind right now," I answered quickly. "I better go, need to go work on something," I said getting up from the bench.

As I turned away from you, you spoke to me.

"Are you doing anything tonight?" she asked.

"Well, uh…" I couldn't answer it right away.

"I guess that means you're open tonight. There's this party at the park tonight and I wanted you to come with me," she said getting up from the bench.

"Yeah, if it makes you happy, I'll go with you," I answered smiling at Katy.

"I'll see you at eight tonight, okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, see ya." I answered.

I went back to my apartment thinking about tonight, all these thoughts came to my head, Boom! Boom! Boom! It scared me. I thought most of all of how you would look; I just couldn't wait until tonight.

That night when I walked to the party at the park, I was wearing my ironed black Dickie pants, some black dress shoes, and a formal white button up shirt. I stood under a tree watching all of the kids playing and dancing to the music that was playing, it was country music of course. After a few hours I knew Katy wasn't here so I walked out from under the tree and saw Katy standing next to the tree. She was wearing an elegant light purple dress that went down to her ankles; her dirty blonde hair was put up in a bun and her emerald green eyes gleamed in the moonlight. She looked so good in the moonlight; I couldn't take my eyes off her.

"Well, are you going to dance with me Craig?" she asked letting her hand out for me to take.

"Yeah," I answered taking her hand and leading her to the small concrete square in the center of the park.

Katy put her arms around my neck and was dancing pretty close to me. I set my hands on her hips and allowed her to put her head on my chest. I felt something jump inside me, a shock of lightning as a sign of _I'm falling in love with her._ The band played slow music; it felt right to be here with Katy in my arms. I felt her nuzzle her head against my chest; I pulled her closer to me. Finally when they played the last song they called it a night and started packing up. Katy and I got out of each other's arms and walked around the park.

"Thanks for coming Craig, I appreciate it," she said as she took my hand.

When she grabbed my hand I could only help but tighten the grip. She moved closer to me, I took my hand away from hers' and put it around her waist. As we walked in the park it felt like we've been together for years, but we've only met yesterday.

"Would you like to have dinner with me sometime Katy?" I asked looking at her.

She stopped and smiled at me, "I would like that very much Craig."

"Is tomorrow night fine?" I asked.

"Um…I think I'm open tomorrow night. I'll meet you here at four, that all right?" she answered.

"Yeah, that's a good time to have dinner." I answered smiling at Katy.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow Craig. Have a good night," she said.

I knew she wanted to do something but I didn't think this would be the right moment right now. She leaned forward into me and kissed me lightly on the lips, she pulled away from me blushing.

"Goodnight…" she said walking away.

All I could do is stare at her; my eyes were locked onto her like she was a ship to be sunken by a torpedo. That kiss was incredible; it felt like I skipped a life than I realized that we were in the exact place where we first met. I went back to my apartment and got ready for bed, I than remembered that I had to write an article. Sitting at my computer again I wrote an article about the party that went on at the park that night. I went into detail; who was there, what kind of music was played and how many people came to enjoy it. There was nothing else that I could write about, soon after I got into bed and fell asleep thinking about tomorrow night.

April 17, 1984

I woke up bright an early that morning to make it to the news station and put in my article. After putting in my article I left the news station and went down to the donut shop and got some donuts and coffee to wake me up. Sitting down at the table near the window I had flashbacks of last night; when she put her head to my chest, and when she took my hand tightly. Maybe I was falling for Katy and I couldn't stop what was going on. I finished my donut and took my coffee out and walked back to my apartment. I opened my door and noticed that my computer was on; I rushed over to the computer and noticed that I got an e-mail from the news station. I read it to myself than smiled, they liked my article and said I need to find a better one to put in the next one; it's due the 19th of this month. I turned off my computer and walked into my bedroom, when I walked in I noticed that I haven't done laundry in about two weeks, it looked like a jungle in my room. So, I picked up my important clothes, put them into a laundry basket and walked down to the Laundromat down the street.

When I got to the Laundromat I loaded all of my white clothes, and my colored clothes. While waiting for my clothes to get cleaned I went to one of the vending machines and got a Coca-Cola and a bag of chips. I sat on one of the machines that I was using and ate my chips, while the clothes were getting washed. There were a lot of people there, but none that reminded me of you. You've been on my mind every day since I met you. After my clothes were washed I put them into two dryers and let them dry. I had already finished my chips and was getting thirsty, so I took a sip of my Coca-Cola than set it down. Finally my clothes were dried, than I headed home. While walking down the street I got caught in a huge crowd, someone bumped into me and suddenly I fell to the ground, I dropped my clothes that were still in the basket. I looked up from the ground and saw Katy's face and her hand reaching out for me to take.

"Sorry, are you okay Craig?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just watch yourself next time, I had clothes that were just cleaned and washed. We're supposed to meet tonight right?" I asked taking her hand and getting up to face her.

"Yep, you asked me that last night and now you're just reminding me right?" she asked looking at me.

"Yeah, well its quarter to four, do you just want to come over right now?" I asked looking at her.

"Sure, if everything's ready, I can help you if it's not," she answered back.

Katy and I walked down the street, taking glances at each other whenever we had the time to take a peek. It was like we were in love with each other now. Katy and I turned the corner of my street, that's when she took my hand again, in that sweet grasp that she gave me last night also. I smiled at that moment, than Katy and I finally reached the apartment. I took her upstairs to my room, when I opened the door Katy was shocked to see that my house was nice and neat. I always kept it neat, except for my room, which was always untidy.

"You like things neat don't you Craig?" she asked looking at me, still holding my hand.

"Yeah, I like the house neat because I get some visitors that come and go sometimes," I answered back looking at her.

"I'm glad you like it clean, I've never met a guy that likes his house clean. Every guy I've met had his house trashy, messy and it looked like a jungle," she explained.

"Yeah, that's the usual guy but I'm a guy that likes things nice and tidy," I answered back.

She nodded at my answer, I than brought her into the dining room/ kitchen, they were connected. I let go of her hand and walked into the kitchen where I pulled out a plate of two defrosted sirloin steaks.

"So, what are we having for dinner?" she asked.

"We're having steak, baked potatoes, and corn. I'm going to do the steaks on the grill and the potatoes too." I answered.

"So, what do you want me to do?" she asked.

"Um…I guess you can set the table. The glasses are in the cubbered above the microwave, the silverware is in the drawer near the sink, plates are already on the table. Okay?" I told her.

She stepped into the kitchen and started getting all of the stuff out for dinner. When she stepped into the kitchen I couldn't believe how beautiful she looked and how she would if she were mine, only mine. I headed outside to the grill after getting the steaks, the potatoes, and the tongs. I could see her from the kitchen getting the supplies out for dinner and getting the table set. A few minutes after putting the steaks and the potatoes on the grill I went back inside and saw the table set, it looked like I was inside a ballroom getting ready for dinner.

"So, how does it look Craig?" she asked bringing out glasses half full with red wine.

"It looks good Katy, how did you do this? It's so perfect and tidy," I answered kind of startled.

"Every woman in the city should know how to set a table Craig. I guess you never knew that, huh?" she asked trying to be smart and set down the glasses of wine where we were going to sit.

"Steaks will be ready in a few minutes. You want to sit on the couch?" I asked.

"I guess," she answered.

We walked out to the living room and sat down on the couch. She sat next to me clinging to my arm and nuzzling her head against my shoulder. After what seemed like forever I excused myself from her grasp and walked outside to the steaks. I cut them both to see if they were done the way I liked them, and they were. She came outside soon after and looked at the sun setting. I told her to go inside and I'd meet her in a minute at the table, all the sudden when I walked into the house the lights were turned off and the only thing that lit up to dining room was two candles.

"Wow, I didn't think it would be like this. Where did you find the candles?" I said looking up into her gaze.

"Well, I like dinner candle lit, that's all I could say. I found them in the cubbered where the glasses are," she explained to me from across the table.

When she reached her chair I went around the table and joined her to get into her seat. I pushed her near the table than got into my seat soon after.

She lifted her glass of wine and said, "This is the most beautiful night to have dinner with a man that really cares about himself and how to make a girl enjoy her night."

I nodded than looked up at her, the candlelight looked so perfect. I could see all of her features and the shadows that covered part of her face. After her speech she set her glass down and looked at me, her emerald green eyes gleamed in the flame of the candle; she looked so beautiful. We ate silently and watched as the candles melted ever so slowly. After dinner we did the dishes together, I washed and she dried them. She reached to put some of the plates away and bumped into me. I moved out of the way so she can put them away, I turned and smiled at her. She returned the smile than went back to putting the dishes away. A few minutes after finishing up with the dishes we went to the living room and sat on the couch.

"What time is it now?" she asked looking up at me while I held her in my arms.

I looked up at the clock in the center of the room, "Its seven o'clock, why?" I asked.

"I'll stay for another hour or so," she said moving closer to me to get warm.

"I'll take you home; I don't want you out on the streets alone. There are plenty of guys out there that can go crazy and go after girls like you," I explained holding her tighter.

"Would you like to dance?" I whispered in her ear.

She smiled than looked up at me, "Yes."

We got up from the couch. I got her out of my grasp and I walked over to the radio in the living room. I turned on Leann Rimes (But I Do Love You) and put the volume a little lower than usual. She put her arms around my neck and I put my hands on her hips. We danced slowly to the music, holding each other as we swayed side to side. After a few songs we got tired and sat on the couch in each other's arms. Soon enough it was time for her to go.

She looked up at the clock, "It's eight thirty, and I think its time for me to go Craig."

"Fine," I answered letting her get out of my arms to get her coat.

She opened the door while I grabbed my coat and walked out with her. Getting into my car and driving her home felt so perfect. We reached her house a few minutes later; I walked her up to the steps of her house.

"This looks like a nice house," I said looking at the house from side to side.

"Thanks, only this house is messier compared to your house," she said laughing at me.

"Thanks, I'll take that as a compliment," I said looking up at her.

"All right, thanks for tonight Craig. It felt great having dinner in candlelight huh?" she asked me as she pulled out the house key in her purse.

"Yeah, I felt great, we should do it again some time," I said walking up behind her.

"I'll see you another day, maybe even next week. I'm going to be a little busy all this week," she said explaining to me.

"That's fine, I wasn't expecting you to be seeing me everyday," I said laughing to myself.

All the sudden she turned to me and kissed me on the lips, I pulled her closer to me. We ignored the world for a few seconds, ignored anyone that was watching us. I pulled back letting her catch her breath. She smiled at me, than opened the door to her house.

"Goodnight…" she said kissing once more before she closed the door.

Her last word was goodnight; I couldn't believe what had just happened. Maybe she was lying about being busy all next week maybe not. I smiled and walked down the steps with my hands in my pockets.

April 21, 1984

Almost a week has past since Katy and I met, it felt like forever. I still remember everything about the night she was at my house. Everything has changed since I met Katy, we are inseparable now, and we did everything together. We never went off alone unless we had to go to work or out to get food for the both of us. We dined every once in a while, but when something important came up at either one of our jobs we had to cancel sometimes. I could see it in her eyes when she was depressed about something, something that I usually said that would make her sad. We had our ups and downs but we soon got over it, it never effected us any longer.

This day I woke up to a note next to my pillow, I read it to myself than smiled, it read:

_Craig,_

_Good morning! I'll be gone for a few hours. I'm going to get some supplies for dinner tonight, breakfast is in the kitchen. Your favorite, bacon, eggs and toast. Okay? I'll see you in a few._

_Love,_

_Katy_

I folded up the note and put it in my pants pocket and walked into the kitchen, the breakfast was cold by the time I got there. I took the plate and put it in the microwave and set it for twenty-five seconds. After the food was warmed up I ate it than cleaned by plate and put it in the dishwasher. Sometimes it felt like me and Katy needed to be apart sometimes because I had thoughts about us for a long time. We've only been together for a week now and were already boyfriend and girlfriend. It was just happening too fast and I wanted to take it slow but you can't control how love comes at you. I knew that today I should say something to her but I didn't want to break her heart because I've done it plenty of times.

I thought about this all the time, suddenly she came through the door with groceries in hand. I got up from the couch and grabbed most of the groceries away from her.

"Did you get my note this morning Craig?" she asked as I walked into the kitchen and began putting the supplies away.

"Yeah, it's in my pocket right now. Thanks for breakfast this morning, even though it was a little cold," I said putting the milk inside the refrigerator.

"You're quite welcome Craig. I knew you would like it," she said putting her arms around my neck.

"I need to talk to you Katy, I have some things to say to you," I said looking up into her eyes.

"You can tell me anything, you know I'll listen to you Craig," she said kissing me lightly on the lips.

I took her hand and brought her into the living room to talk to her. She grabbed my hand in hers and together they intertwined.

"Well, what I'm trying to say is that um…I want to be alone for a few months. I know it's so soon but I don't want our love to go so fast, I want our love to go slow," I said looking up at her.

"So, you're saying that it's over for the both of us?" she said questioning me.

"No, I'm not saying it's over Katy, I just want to take it slow," I explained to her again.

"In other words you're trying to say that its over, am I right or am I a liar Craig?" she said questioning me again.

"You're not a liar Katy, you never were a liar. I just want to…"

"You want it to be over, just say it!" she said taking her hand away from mine and standing before me.

"I didn't want it to be this way, I didn't want you to yell," I said looking up at her.

"Just say the words Craig, say it now!" she said yelling at me; putting her hands on her hips.

"It's hard, I can't say it," I said looking down at my feet.

"You know what Craig, you're pissing me off. I'll just do it," she said looking down at me.

I sat on the couch looking at my feet; I didn't speak another word to her. I was speechless from that moment on.

"It's over Craig; I don't want to see you. You just think about what you let go now, I'm the best thing that ever happened to you and…and you let me go!" she said storming out of the room.

I still sat there on the couch for the rest of the day, I just thought about what she said to me, _I'm the best thing that's ever happened to you and…and you let me go…_

April 13, 1987 (24 years old)

These last three years, nothing has been the same since Katy left. I haven't been myself, its just past like a breeze. I've been with few women, but none seemed to satisfy me. In other words when I was with those women the only girl I saw was Katy, my first love. I couldn't stand her being away from me, so I headed out to the city to look for her.

I went to every store that she went to when we were together and to the Laudermat. She was nowhere in sight, but I kept looking for her; nothing could keep me away from her. Soon after looking for her I got kind of tired of looking and walked back to my apartment. While walking to my apartment I was bumped into again, this woman dropped her things when we hit each other.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Clumsy me," she said looking up at me.

"No, I'm the one who should be sorry, I bumped into you," I said looking up into her eyes.

At that very moment we found each other again. I couldn't believe it, Katy and I met again.

"How are things going Craig?" she asked picking up her things.

My eyes were still locked onto her and I didn't speak.

"Hello? Earth to Craig, can you hear me or not?" she asked waving her hand side to side.

"Oh, um…. nothing. Just being myself I guess. How about you Katy? How's life treating you?" I asked helping her pick up her things off the ground.

"Just working through life and trying to keep up with work," she said standing there looking at me.

"Oh, well…I have to go. Got things to do, but if you…" I said looking at her.

"Craig, I'm starting a new life now. I'm moving," she said smiling at me.

When I heard that come out of her mouth I was shocked, I just stood there blank. I had nothing else to say to her.

"Well, see you later Craig," she said walking past me.

I looked at her while she walked away; it felt like we broke up again right there. I know I couldn't stop her; she's starting a new life and so should I. The only thing is that I could never get over her, she was my first love and she will never disappear from my memory.

April 25, 1987

Sleeping that night, I couldn't fall asleep. I had a woman beside me, she cuddled next to me. She was the only thing I had left; she was the only one who kept me safe from anything. This woman I met at a local bar down the street, she was perfect.

She looked up from my chest, "Are you okay Craig?"

I looked up at the ceiling trying to find some way to fall asleep than spoke to her, "It's nothing Allie. I'm just not sleepy right now."

"You need your sleep Craig. Don't worry I'm here for you," she said wrapping her arms around me.

"I'm glad you're here Allie. I feel safe with you," I said kissing her on the forehead.

I finally fell asleep with Allie in my arms and for once in my life I forgot about Katy. When we woke up in the morning we walked down the street holding hands. She loved me and I loved her more than anything. We walked to the park were I held most of my memories. Memories of Katy, when I first met her, sitting on the bench, and when we made love at my house those many nights, this place was where it held all my memories of her. I never wanted to remember her but this was the only place were I could sooth myself. We sat on the bench near the lake, still holding hands and intertwining our fingers. I rubbed my thumb against the top of her hand.

She smiled than laid her head on my shoulder, "What's wrong with you Craig? You're not like yourself today."

"I just have stuff on my mind, I gave up my work at the news station and I'm unemployed right now," I explained laying my head on top of Allie's.

"Well, why don't you go find a job? I know that's not the only thing that's on your mind Craig, I know you better than this. Because when I look at you, I see someone else in your eyes," Allie explained.

I changed the subject and said, "I think I should leave New York, it's not a place for me Allie. I want to move to North Carolina, where I can start a new life." I said kissing the top of Allie's head.

"I want to go with you Craig, I don't want you going alone," Allie said looking up at me.

"No, I need time alone Allie. I need to start something new, I need to start thinking about myself and how my life is going to run," I said looking into Allie's eyes.

"So, it's over with us Craig?" Allie asked with tears forming in her eyes. I had a flashback of how Katy left me; I had to get away now for sure.

"You know I love you, right Allie? It will never end, I love you," I said lifting her head and wiping her tears away with my finger.

She nodded than hugged me, so tight like she wanted me to stay. I just couldn't live with myself; all I had were memories that needed to be erased. That day I got my ticket and left for New Bern, North Carolina to start my new life.

June 17, 1989 (26 years old)

I've been living in New Bern, North Carolina for two years now; I never spoke to Allie within those two years. I got a new job; I'm working on building houses even though I get paid kind of low. It's not about the money I already got enough of it. Nothing special has happened these past two years, no new girl no anything. This morning in New Bern made me think about Katy for some reason, I don't know. It felt like she was here in New Bern and was looking for me or something, its crazy I know.

Heading to work this morning in my Ford F-150 pick-up, loaded with wood. I stopped down a dirt path were I saw a woman hitchhiking. I don't know what made me pick her up, but I did. She had dirty blonde hair and emerald green eyes that shined.

"Hey, miss. Do you need a ride?" I asked rolling down the window.

"Yeah, I need to get to town," she explained while opening the door.

She got inside the passenger seat and sat there quietly. I turned to her quite a few times, she reminded me of someone, someone from long ago.

She turned to me and smiled, "What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost or something."

"Oh, no it's just that you look familiar to me for some strange reason. I don't know," I said looking at the road ahead of me.

"Oh, I see. What's your name by the way?" she asked looking at me.

"I'm Craig, and you are?" I asked putting both of my hands on the steering wheel.

"Oh, that's a nice name," she said looking at the dirt road ahead of us.

"Miss, you didn't answer my question," I said licking my lips.

"Oh, I'm sorry. My name is Katy," she said answering my question.

While driving down the road I couldn't believe what she just said. Her name is Katy, Katy the girl I loved long ago.

"Are you okay Craig? You look pale," she said looking at me.

She was right, I was becoming pale. All of the sudden my eyes were opening and closing every second.

"Craig! Craig? Can you hear me?" she asked shaking me.

My hands became limp; they automatically fell away from the steering wheel. The last thing I remember is falling over on my side.

I woke up to bright lights beaming in my eyes, it was so painful.

"Ah, so you're awake," said a doctor walking up to my bed.

"W-What happened to me?" I asked with my eyes becoming focused to my surroundings.

"You're lucky that you had this young lady with you, you would have died," said the doctor.

"What happened to me?" I asked once again.

"You had a blackout sir. Like I said you are lucky you had someone else in the truck with you," the doctor said repeating himself.

I rubbed my head than sat up looking inside the room. I had an IV in my forearm and a machine that monitored my heart.

"Oh Craig, I'm glad your all right," she said as she ran up to the side of my bed.

She put her arms around me than whispered in my ear, "How have you been for these past five years?"

She pulled away from me and smiled. I had this urge inside me that made me smile at you. The doctor told me I could leave in a few minutes after I get my IV out and the machine off my body, he left soon after saying that to me.

"I lived in New York for another two years, but than I moved here to New Bern," I said answering Katy's question. "What about you Katy?"

"Keeping up in my job and visiting old friends," she answered.

"Found anyone yet?" I asked out of the blue.

"Yes, I found someone. He makes me very happy; we're really close now," she said smiling down at me.

"Oh, that's cool. I hope he makes you happy," I said looking up at her.

A nurse walked in at took my IV out and the heart monitor off. I thanked her than rubbed my arm.

"Well, I have to go. Josh is waiting for me at home," she said changing the subject.

"Josh? His name is Josh?" I asked standing up from the bed.

"Yes, I met him here in New Bern. He's a business man, top of the class," she said smiling at me.

"Oh, cool. Well, I better let you go. I kept you away from Josh for a few hours now," I said smiling to myself.

"I don't…. wait. Yes, I'm going. See you around Craig. Where do you work?" she asked at the last minute.

"I'll be around anywhere, I build houses for a living," I said laughing.

"Well, see you later Craig," she said as she walked out the door.

She left again, I couldn't believe it. She had a man that made her happy and I had no one. No one to be with, to laugh with or cuddle up next too. I walked out of my room and walked down the hall of the hospital with my hands in my pockets. By the time I got out of the hospital I saw her walking down the street. I turned away from her, trying not to remember her. I didn't want to see her again, seeing her brought back too many memories. But one thing that questioned me the most was: _Why did she move to New Bern? Why?_

June 20, 1989

That question has troubled me these last three days. But as I thought about it more and more I began to understand why. _She moved to New Bern to come back to me, she wanted to meet me again somewhere were we wouldn't be disturbed. _But that never seemed to be the truth, she moved here to start a new life and she found it. She now had a man that loved her and cared for her. I couldn't bear to hear myself say those words. I knew I had to see her again, I wanted to set things right, I never wanted her to leave me. So, I set out to go find her, but where?

I drove my worn out Ford F-150 down the dirt path in the town and looked for her; I wanted to have her back, no matter what the cost. Some towns people like the baker and some people waved as I past by them. They had strange reactions when I didn't wave back at them, I was on a mission. I past by a school that was just getting out but I didn't see her there. All of the sudden I saw a young woman walk out of the school, she looked like Katy but I wasn't sure. She trotted over to a car that was parked near the school, I than noticed that it must be that Josh guy; the man she was with now. She gave him a kiss on the cheek than said a few words, she soon ran back up the stairs back into the school. Josh waited there in his car for a couple more seconds than drove away. This was my chance, I could go inside and find her and tell her how sorry I am. I parked my truck across the street under a tree than walked over into the school. Walking into the school, I past many classrooms that had their doors closed. I walked past many classrooms that were closed; I finally found one that was open. I stood at the doorway and peeked in, I saw little boy sitting at a table alone, I knew that I shouldn't go in the room but I did. The kid turned to me, to my guess he looked afraid.

"Who are you?" asked the little boy.

"My name is Craig, what's your name?" I asked kneeling down to his height.

"I'm Daniel," said the boy shyly.

"Well, Daniel I have to go," I said turning away from him.

"Daniel? Is that man bothering you?" asked a voice at the doorway.

"No, he just introduced himself Miss Smith," answered Daniel.

"Excuse me sir, what's your name?" asked Miss Smith.

I turned to her and smiled, "So, you're Miss Smith. I'm Craig."

When she saw my face she was shocked, "Craig? Is that you again?" she asked walking toward me.

"Katy? Is that you?" I asked getting up from the floor next to Daniel.

"Mr. Craig you shouldn't call a teacher by their first name," Daniel said correcting me.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Miss Smith, is that you?" I asked once again.

She nodded than smiled. She ran up to me and put her arms around me.

"I'm so glad you're here," she said lifting her head up to mine.

"Miss Smith, is this your boyfriend?" asked Daniel.

She was shocked by the words but than spoke to him, "Daniel, this is my friend Craig. He used to live in New York with me."

"Can we talk? I really need to talk to you," I said pulling away from her.

"I'll be back Daniel," she said to him.

We walked out the door and stood outside the doorway. She leaned against the wall and I stood in front of her.

"I'm glad you got out of the hospital all right, but why did you come here?" she asked standing away from the wall.

"I wanted to see you again; I never said anything to you for five years now. How do you think I feel after five years without you here with me?" I asked her.

"How should I know, you're the one who left me!" she said yelling at me.

"I didn't want you to raise your voice, I wanted you to listen," I said explaining to her.

She stood there waiting for me to say something, but I just couldn't get the words out.

"Well, are you going to say something? I have to get back to Daniel very soon, he needs help with work," she explained.

"Why did you move to New Bern?" I asked.

"I moved here to start something new, you should have too," she said with her arms crossed.

"Okay, do you really love this guy named Josh?" I asked.

"Yes, I love him Craig. I can't believe you, you're questioning me like this," she said reaching for the doorknob.

I grabbed her hand away from the doorknob, "And do you think we were over when you said that to me?"

She hesitated for a few seconds, "Why should I answer that? You're the one who left, you're the one who couldn't say anything to me!" she exclaimed with tears brimming her eyes.

"You never meant that did you? Did you?" I asked looking at her. "I still loved you; I never gave up on you. I couldn't stand seeing you gone, that's why I looked for you!" I exclaimed.

She stood there quite, tears falling from her eyes.

"Katy! Did you hear me! I still love you, I will always love you, never forget that," I said.

"I never wanted it to end Craig, I was just so mad at you when you said it. I moved here to try and forget what happened, but it didn't work. I couldn't get my mind off you," she said.

I put my arms around her and drew her closer to me. "Do you love me Katy?"

"Yes, I love and I always will Craig. Forever and ever," she answered.

I kissed the top of her head than stood in front of her, "Did you love Josh?"

"I love him Craig, he loves me more than anything in the world," she answered.

"Than I can't be with you, if you love him you can't love me," I explained. "I can't change your mind, this is your life Katy not mine, and you have to make this choice."

"I can't Craig, I just can't," her tears fell off her cheeks than new ones formed.

"I better go, can't leave you away from your students," I said beginning to walk away.

"No, I don't want you to go Craig," she said grabbing my hand.

I ripped away from her and walked down the hallway with my hands in my pockets.

"Craig! Please…" she sniffed than began to cry harder.

I opened the doors of the school and walked down the steps to my truck. From behind me I heard the doors open again. As I opened the door of my truck she came running down the stairs.

"Craig, please…. don't leave me," she cried.

My door was closed and locked; she banged on the car window multiple times. I put my keys into the ignition and started up.

"Craig, I love you please…don't leave me," she cried even more.

I put the car into reverse; she backed away from the car. I sped off quick as she stood there in the middle of the street. Driving past every store and building in town made me feel woozy again; I pulled over and parked my truck. I sat in my truck with my head to the steering wheel as tears fell from my eyes. I never wanted it to happen this way; I just wanted her to understand why I said it wasn't over with us. I wanted her back with me; the only thing is that I didn't want her with another guy other than me.

June 21, 1989

Waking up the next morning I felt like I'd been crushed by a boulder. I didn't want to get up, I wanted to stay here. She made me feel this way, I had to talk with someone that could understand what I'm going through, but I had no one; I only had myself. The worst thing I did yesterday was made her cry, she cried at the doorway of her classroom and when she ran out to stop me from leaving. I-I just couldn't take it anymore; I needed her more than ever. I got dressed quickly than drove down to the local liquor store, bought two bottles of beer than drove back to my house. She screwed up my life now I needed to forget about her. Sitting on my porch through the afternoon I drank down one of the beer bottles, I was sober by the time I finished the bottle. I got up from the porch and walked into the house to go to the closet. I reached up on the shelf of the closet and pulled down a photo album, I brought my other bottle of beer with me. I skimmed through most of the pictures until I reached the ones were Katy was holding me, kissing me or smiling at me. I threw the photo album at the wall and began to drink again. As few hours later I was lying in bed sleeping soundly, even though my eyes were kind of open.

By eight o'clock I was hungry so, I rushed down to the nearest diner and got me some food. I sat at a booth alone near the window, I gazed out the window watching as cars past by. Few customers came to this diner but they had the best damn food I've had in years.

"Hey dude, were closing. We need you to leave," said the man at the counter.

I grabbed my car keys off the table and walked out to my truck. I unlocked my truck, but than I saw a note on the hood. I ripped it off and read it, it said:

_Craig,_

_I wrote this to explain how sorry I am. I never meant to yell at you yesterday, I love you. Josh and I had a fight last night and- and he hit me, we had the fight because I told him that I found you. I explained to him that we were once lovers and we were inseparable, but I guess he didn't listen. He told me to leave, but now I have nowhere else to go, no one to love but you. I love you Craig and always will, remember that._

_Love,_

_Katy_

After reading that note, tears fell from my eyes. She had told Josh about us and how we came together and fell in love. The thing I didn't like is that he hit her, which got me mad. I folded the note and put it in my back pocket. She's out there somewhere and I needed to find her, but where to start? I walked away from my truck and saw someone leaned against the wall, she was crying.

"Katy? Is that you?" I asked the girl.

The young girl turned away from the palms of her hands and smiled, "Craig?"

I saw the bruise right below her eyelid; it looked like she just got it. I ran up to her and put my arms around her.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Katy," I said holding her close.

She cried than held to my shirt tightly. I held onto her tightly than kissed her cheek.

"He hit me, he hit me for no reason," she said repeating herself.

"Where can I find him?" I asked.

"Josh isn't worth your time Craig, he'd probably die if you hit him," she said looking up at me.

"Tomorrow morning you're putting a restraining order on him, you got me?" I told her.

She nodded than fell back into my arms were I knew it was safe for her.

"Let's go home," I said to her as I held her closer to me.

I led her to the truck and got her seated. I drove her down the road to my house, were my lights were still on. She looked out the window and smiled as she saw me pull up to the house under the tree. I got her out of the truck and held her hand, she ripped away from my hand and grabbed onto my arm. We walked up the steps together; I opened the door and let her go inside first. Inside the house she was blown away to see that it was very roomy.

"Thank you Craig, thank you for bringing me here," she said turning to me and smiling.

She walked up to me and put her arms around me, I put my arms around her also. We held each other for a long time; we swayed back and forth for a few minutes. This is when she wanted love, love that she has never had in years. She looked up at me and brought her lips to my cheek and kissed me, than she moved them to my lips and we kissed finally.

After five long years we finally gave in and kissed there for a few seconds. She put her hands to my hair line and ran her fingers through my hair as we kissed multiple times. I picked her up; she put her legs around me and still kissed me. I brought her into the living room where she fell onto top of me; we kissed more and more. I pulled away from her so she can catch her breath. I allowed her to take off my shirt; I took the sleeves of my shirt off my body and kissed her again. I lay back on the pillow that was for the couch and pulled her on top of me. I kissed her again, soft and tender and she kissed me back, feeling our years of separation. The hotness of her breath on my neck made me want her more than anything. After she finishing kissing me on the neck she lifted her hand and grabbed the zipper on my jeans, I reached for her jeans pulled them off and went for her panties. I helped her with my pants; I pulled them off for her than we kissed again while I slipped off her panties. There was a blanket on the back of the couch, I brought it down on top of us and covered ourselves. She lifted off her shirt and undid her bra; she sat on my groin area looking down at me. I sat up and kissed her on the lips, she reached down and pulled my boxers off and threw them to the floor. As our naked bodies came together, we were both trembling by the memory of being apart from each other. We made love slowly, giving each other love that we wished to give when we were younger.

By dawn Katy feel asleep in my arms, I watched as she slept, so sweet and so beautiful. I picked her up and brought her into my room; I set her on the bed and put the covers over her. I walked over to the window and closed the curtains; I joined her inside the bed and held her. When the sun hit the curtains it made the walls shine a little, we still slept through the morning. Katy woke up and held my hand that which was moving against her belly, she lifted it away from her belly and kissed it with her luscious lips. She nuzzled her head against my chest; I woke up because her hair was tickling me.

I moaned than stretched, "Good morning."

She turned her face to mine and kissed me again, "Morning babe."

I pulled her on top of me and smiled up at her, "I love you Katy."

"I love you too Craig," she said leaning down to me and kissing me again.

. She wore my robe as she walked downstairs to get breakfast ready; I still lay in bed looking up at the ceiling with the sheet above my waist. I rested there for a few minutes trying to remember what happened last night. I walked downstairs and joined her; she was at the stove cooking up some scrambled eggs. I walked up to her silently and wrapped my arms around her than kissed her neck.

"Hey Craig, I had a great night last night," she said turning away from the stove.

"I did also, what you making?" I asked looking at the stove.

"I'm making scrambled eggs, toast and coffee. Don't you remember when I made this for you?" she asked.

"Of course, come here," I said grabbing her and picking her up off the ground and twirling her around. I brought her back down to the floor and kissed her again.

"I can't let these eggs and toast burn, I'll meet you in the living room," she said getting out of my arms.

I walked out of the kitchen and walked into the living room were clothes were all over the place. I picked up our clothes and folded them; I set them on the floor next to the couch. I sat on the couch waiting for her; I lay on the couch having memories of last night while we were on the couch.

"I'm coming right now," she said walking out of the kitchen and seeing me lying on the couch.

She sat beside me eating; I held her with one of my arms and ate with the other arm.

"Would you stay with me forever Katy?" I asked putting my finished plate on the table.

She sat still and began eating her breakfast, "Yes, I will stay with you forever Craig. I love you with everything I have and after last night I'll be here for you."

I smiled than rubbed my hand down her arm and up again, her skin was so smooth. After we finished having breakfast we went up into my bedroom and made love again, lying there tangled in the covers. She was breathless and so was I, she laid her head on my chest and I held her against me.

"Can we do it again?" she asked lifting her head off my chest.

"I'm sorry to say this, but are you trying to kill me?" I asked laughing at her.

"No, I'm not going to kill you, am I?" she asked.

"Well, I don't want to do it over and over one after the other. I get kind of tired you know," I said answering her.

She kissed my chest than began to beg to do it one more time, "Please Craig. Please?"

"All right, if you promise this will be the last one," I said answering her again.

She nodded than slid up to my lips and kissed me again. I lifted my hand and put it to her cheek, brushing it gently with my fingers and palm. By noontime we had already finished making love again; I lay in between her legs as she ran her hand through my wet hair.

"That was great," she said smiling down at me.

"Yeah, I-I love you Katy," I said unable to stop the words from coming out of my mouth.

She got on top of me and smiled down, "I love you too."

July 2, 1989

This was a special day for the both of us; I took Katy out to the most expensive restaurant in town. When our dinner came there was a small gift that I got for Katy and it lay right beside her pasta dish. I asked the waiters to have candles out for our dinner because I wanted it to make it feel like it was her night to shine. After getting her dinner she picked up the small box and opened it.

"Oh my Craig, what is this?" she looked very surprised.

"Will you marry me Katherine Smith?" I asked looking into her eyes, through the candlelight.

Tears welled up in her eyes, "Yes, yes I will marry you, Craig Richardson." she answered with tears falling from her cheeks.

I got up from my seat and put the ring on her finger, than I raised a finger and wiped her tears away. After dinner we went home and made love. We stayed in each other's arms for the rest of the day, my hand always in movement against her soft skin. This night was the happiest day of my life; the day that I dreamed of, the day we became man and wife.

September 17, 2000(37 years old)

These last years with Katy have been great. This day was the most beautiful day I've had; this day was when Katy gave birth to my newborn son Mitch. He is so beautiful and has the smooth skin like his mother. When they set him in the nursery I was happy to see him, I walked up to the glass window and smiled down at my son. A couple hours after my wife had our child I went to go visit her, she was in real pain when I was watching her give birth.

I walked into her room and saw her sleeping soundly, so peaceful. I sat in a chair next to her bed, than laid my head down next to her belly. She moved than kissed the top of my head; I could feel her luscious lips against my scalp.

"Hey honey, you tired?" she asked.

I moaned than sat up looking at her lying in the bed alone, "I should be the one asking that question."

"Have you seen Mitch yet?" she asked looking at me.

"Yeah, he's handsome, like me. We did a great job," I said kissing her cheek.

She rubbed her head against mine as she leaned forward to give me a kiss. I sat up to her face and kissed her softly on the lips. We had the most beautiful son in the world; both Katy and I made him.

I stayed at the hospital checking on my wife and on my son, I checked on them every other hour. That night I went to go see my son, when I reached the nursery he wasn't in there. I knocked on the window but no one was there, no doctors or nurses. This totally freaked me out; I ran down the hallway of the hospital, ran into my room and saw my wife holding our son. She was asleep and so was Mitch, they both looked very exhausted. I sat on a chair near the bed and fell asleep next to Mitch and Katy.

September 17, 2002(39 years old)

Today is Mitch's second birthday, and what a handsome young man has he grown up to be. Katy and I got a digital camera for our baby shower about four years ago; we taped every day when Mitch did something new. Today, I was taping his birthday party with some of our neighbors, relatives of Katy's, and some of my family. When Katy brought out the cake for Mitch, all I had my eyes on was my wife. I loved her with everything that I had and I loved my son the same way.

"Hey honey!" I yelled to her when I saw her walk out of the kitchen.

She smiled at me than blew a kiss to me and set the cake on the table next to Mitch. We sang happy birthday to Mitch, than waited for him to blow out the candles.

"All right Mitch, let's see you blow out those candles," I said to Mitch with the camera still on him.

Katy came up to the camera and kissed the lens before Mitch blew out his candles. After Mitch blew out his candles the room was full of darkness, that's when Katy kissed me on the lips, she put the camera focused on us in the darkness. One of Katy's relatives turned on the lights and saw us kissing.

"So, you two were waiting for that to happen huh?" asked Katy's relative.

The camera was still on us and taped us kissing in the living room. Mitch got up from his seat and tugged on my shirt.

"Daddy…cake?" asked Mitch.

I drew away from Katy, "Of course son." I looked over at Katy, "Let's get some cake honey."

I picked up Mitch and held my wife's hand as we walked over to the table where the cake was. I cut everyone a slice; I sat next to Mitch and my wife on the other side of me. By seven o'clock the party ended and everyone went home, I tucked Mitch into bed and read him a story. After the story was over Mitch lay in my arms sleeping, I too asleep. I heard Katy come up the stairs and come into the room, that's when she gently took Mitch's arms away from me and she brought me into our bedroom. That's where we made love quietly, trying not to wake Mitch from his slumber. We got clothed up a few minutes later and fell asleep ready for the next day.

January 15, 2004(41 years old)

This is where I sit; I sit with my laptop on the bed typing up my life story on how everything went when I was younger to my older days. I'm silently typing this as my son and wife are lying in each other's arms, but I seem to make them move at times. They both look cute together; Mitch is only four years old right now. My wife is only two years younger than I; she is still as beautiful as she was when she was younger. Now, I must end this, I hope my wife enjoys this story, when she wakes up the next morning. This will bring back many memories of how are lives became connected. Well, Katy by the next morning you'll see this document open in front of you, I'll be gone for a few hours while you read this to yourself. Remember that I love you and always will, you and Mitch are my life and I'll never forget the good times.

_Your loving husband,_

_Craig Richardson_


End file.
